operation have a gay friend backfired
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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