i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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