are you so shy because you have an std?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
