He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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