I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
