Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
