All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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