All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just threw up on my dentist
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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