hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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