I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it was like his penis was on wheels.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
