This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
