where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
