Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
