So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
