his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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