sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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