how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
