I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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