she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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