Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
