The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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