Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
