Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
