Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
