I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
