Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Mom said you looked used
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
