Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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