Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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