I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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