Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
