Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In America we eat man semen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she told me i tasted like america
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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