I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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