Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
