Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
