last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
