He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
