i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
