You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
