My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
