I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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