I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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