Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
