I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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