i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
