This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
