The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
