He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
only if we run a train.
done.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
