$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I look better un-naked...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
