i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
