the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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