Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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