Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is it because I queefed?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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