I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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